Another day and night

For the past few days I have been meditating in the morning and at night. Along with prayer, reaching out and going to meetings...I believe there is hope. I have been acting in a way that is much better and honors me as well as others. Everyone deserves to be honored and their wishes respected. In truly loving another, there feelings - wants and needs should be important..and I really someone. The reward and selfishness, however, is that it also allows me to feel better and to know that I am doing the next right thing. I am loving myself by not allowing fear so much control and I am growing closer to others and God becuase I am acting "trusting."

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I refuse to make situations any worse and so I am willing to do what that takes and willing to ask for help and willing to take actions necessary for myself. I hate harming others and when I harm others it harms me, when I harm myself it harms others.....and that is the cycle that I want free from. Only I have the power to change my actions and allow God to help me. I finally want to help myself again... I am able to laugh and be more present and my mind is a bit quieter. I do wake up at times in complete horror and panic, but I pray and talk to someone about it so that way I am trusting God and not doing what I have always done and that is to avoid fear....everything in my life has to be an action....everything...not only feelings but actions that empower me and others....I want to bring rather than always take.

I am learning. The only way not to regress is to move forward....and resisting makes it more painful. I am grateful tonight